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| You let me down
I hurt you too
What happened to us?
We came unglued
I said some things
It tore me up
Guilt shreds my soul
Broken heart
deep pains untold
You wouldn't stop me
You wouldn't try
Let me bleed
let me die
Love is lost
I don't know why-
Damage done
No return
Should we save us?
Or let it burn?
I seek answers
That I can't find
The loss sustained here
it reels my mind
How can this heal?
There's not a closure-
You let me down.
I hurt you too.
Can't go back now
Guilt keeps shredding my soul.
| | |
| I need a reason to stay here,
but I can't find one.
| | |
| <this is a reinactment of an actual conversation with myself>
Pssssst. hello? are you there Amy?
Huh? What the-
This is your conscience. What the hell are you doing?
Nothing?
Exactly. You're going on 22, almost done with college,
and you are in desperate need of some major re-thinking of some things.
I am?
No duh. Where are you headed after school?
I don't know?
My point exactly. What do you plan to do about the shortcomings in your life?
Uh... get a new hobby?
That's not even close. A hobby will keep you busy. You're in need of more structure.
And more drive. And more confidence. In short- it's time to GROW UP.
Ok let's review here.
(I'm not just being hard on myself, this is going somewhere)
Your health sucks.
you could have so much more energy
and so many less colds.
You need to eat better.
The energy you do have gets spent wrong.
You worry all the time,
you act like a crazy person
you talk too much sometimes
You don't know what you want.
You need to think about what means most
to you in this life.
You depend on people for confidence boosts.
Time to get your own.
You need more intellectual power.
Time to read more books
and keep up with current events
and spend less time watching
Family Guy on Hulu.
You need to get organized.
You can't find your own I.D. card
half the time.
You need to get centered.
Time to stop swaying from happy
to sad to angry to happy again-
try and stay balanced more.
You need better money skills.
No more shopping.
No more eating out.
No more anything.
You have too many anxiety attacks.
And you don't treat them the best ways.
Get help.
You're a member of a church
make the most of it.
You hardly show your face there.
When was the last time
you did something selfless?
time to care about others more.
See? this list just goes on.
You need to get with it.
Next month,
you're not a college kid anymore.
You aren't going to be babysat anymore.
You will be the one doing
the babysitting now.
You need to be calmer and more collected.
You need to be the voice of reason in chaos,
just like Austin has been.
There's alot of inexpensive, logical ways
to get that kind of confidence-
but they take effort.
And you're too old to shy away
from that effort.
No one will do it for you.
The ball is in your court now.
Now what are you going to do?
Okay. I'm going to download some
"I will triumph" kind of music
into my ipod,
and then I'm going to
clean out my fridge,
fill it with healthy stuff
throw away the junk food
go to Barnes and Noble,
get a few self-help books,
get a smart money-savvy friend
to guide my budget,
research more jobs,
check out some novels,
go to the gym,
throw away junk in my house,
go to my church,
talk to a counselor,
make files and boxes for things,
clean out my purse,
learn some yoga,
donate to charity,
and take time each day
to make tea, light incense,
and sit there and meditate
on not stressing out over stuff.
But wait-
this is just a list in my head.
It's not actions.
This is like getting a cast together
but not really filming the movie.
How can I turn "will do"
into "done"?
One step at a time.
Part of your problem
is you don't take
one day at a time
you let them all
attack you at once.
pace yourself.
You can get it done.
Maybe you should
write this conversation down
maybe on a blog
and then show it to people
so they can help
keep you accountable....
....wait.
That's what you just did.
Good job.
You're on your way to success....
| | |
| Why are you ignoring me?
You're tearing me apart
I need you right now
You're really breaking my heart
You told me that you're busy
But that's not enough excuse
You once took the time for me
Without you what's the use?
I feel so fragile now
Like I might survive today
But one little thing
will make me fall apart
One second I stay composed
The next I'm a shattered mess
Please just try to reach me
If I'm your everything
Why did you leave me here
Alone and all depressed?
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